Vain

I have been into lots of times when I swore to myself that I will never do this or that again but I always fail to keep my word. As I was deeply seated in the Ceres bus last night, I managed to scribble a very short paragraph about a very vain promise that I have made to myself almost a million times already.


I had a vain wait. It took me three years to wait for something that's not even worth it. I have wasted enormous amounts of sensibility just for the sake of that one sole feeling that consumed me like hell. I was too confident, too expectant, too proud, too ambitious. I have been in this stupid remorseful plight for quite an nth time already and every time, I keep on saying that I would slow down and stop pretending. But again, I failed to be a promise-keeper and continued acting like an innocent child -- a behavior I am not supposed to exhibit since I have matured pretty enough already. This foolish heart just doesn't know how to wait. I prayed to God for a lifetime partner and I don't have to rush it if He tells me "to pause, take a break, prepare yourself, and pray for I will surely give him to you."


Simple! All I have to do is pray and wait. God knows how to keep His promise and all I have to do is stand still. Detach from him emotionally, slowly but surely this time.


I do not know when this is going to end. What I know is that the whole thing would be a hard process. I need help. I need distractions. I need hectic schedules. I need a life outside the cube. Inhale, exhale...