Why do I have to feel downtrodden oftentimes? Why can't I understand the real situation? Why can't I just accept the facts being laid down in front of me and just silently? Why do I love to stay and wallow in the same marsh and continue to ask myself about lots of 'whys'? Why?
I had enough of the pain. Our P.E. dance class just added the load. Oh! I hate that Kandingan dance. Super idiotic and stupid. I could not imagine how others tend to enjoy the class yet I remained on one corner, staring and acting like I was amused with what they are doing when in fact I was already murmuring boisterously in my head.
Having boy partners is a huge mess. We don't have our permanent dance partners so from time to time, they change. But I always think that the person who decides to make me as his dance partner would definitely suffer the consequences because I will never dare dance if I do not like the dance steps or if it looks too extreme for me.
I have to spill this aching feeling.
I am totally aware that I don't have the right over him. Yes! I am aware of that. But that made me such a lunatic. Just this afternoon, my close friend saw him with a female human being walking alongside the pathway near our stand-by area. They weren't only talking. They were also holding hands while sharing bunches of giggles and trying to retrieve something from each other. The scene wasn't that clear for I quickly removed my attention from them after knowing that they're nearing. Good thing he did not notice me. I tried to draw a smile and looked at my friend with meaningful eyes. She smiled back with sarcasm. The female human being entered into her class which happened to be adjacent to the area where we were seated while the male human being ran frantically to his class in the open court. I believe he was already late for his P.E. (kabalo jud sa schedule ang gaga ay)
Wow! so STUPID of me to think that what happened yesterday was already the prelude of something worth expecting for. But as usual, expectations suck. It will just give you headache. And love? It will just give you malignant cancer. I tell you, it's true. I almost had one.
Haaaaay! (mag-arang ta ani uy..walay lami)
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