Tuesday, November 4, 2014


Today is a repetition of yesterday and tomorrow will be the exact replica of today. But there are no two days that happened exactly alike. ~ Jane Franco

What bothered me yesterday still bothers me today, and I’ll be thinking of the same thought tomorrow. If I will not allow myself for a chance of candor, then I’d be living like this until who-knows-when.

It’s about taking chances – taking chances on two different souls, taking chances on telling them the truth about what I truly feel for them, what I truly want, what I honestly think would be best for us, and what I think would put a smile on God’s face. I can’t afford to initiate however, for I find it fit for them to “make the first call”. I still think they have to start the conversation, man to man, (aw, man to woman pala) and that would be the perfect time to pour out all my emotions.

It’s hard to be like this every day since they are both geographically far from me. They are islands away, and I am left contemplating from day to day. If only they were honest and braver when they had the chance to talk with me before, I could’ve told them the truth. I could've been a freed bird now.

'Til today, they continue to hold on to that 5% spark and every day, I die a million deaths as I think about them and their thoughts of a chance. Every day, I get hurt by the thought that I still haven’t told them the truth because every day, though they are so far away, they never miss to show effort, to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. It’s a privilege, but it’s also a burden.

I will never tell them via call or text. That would be rude and inappropriate, especially because this has something to do with our emotions. This is something to be taken seriously. This is not a game of cards. This is something to be talked over a cup of coffee. This is a big deal since they have already invested so much, emotionally. And it's partially my fault for not stopping them. 

This is not an issue about love. This is about bravery, honesty, open-mindedness, faith, and closure. This is not an issue about love because I know what I need now, more than ever. This is not an issue about love or about unsure feelings because I am quite confident to say that my feelings aren’t deceiving me this time. This is not an issue about love, but sure, yeah, this is an issue about unrequited love.

I want this over with, but until they say, “Can we talk?” I will continue dealing with this groundswell of mixed emotions inside my system. May God bless their soul!

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Months, And Counting!

Part of our deal was to explore and dine in (affordable) restos around Dumaguete City once a month during our Friendsary. My close college friends/publication buddies/medems and I started celebrating our one-of-a-kind friendship February of this year. The idea surfaced when we were lying inside our almost-shabby-but-still-manageable-greenish tent, gazing at the full moon. It was supposed to be a celebration of SAD or Single Awareness Day. Guess what day it was! Yeah! February 15, a day after the world celebrated heart hearts or Araw ng mga Puso. In English, uhm, uh…yeah, I remember. Valentine’s Day. So it all started there.

We only see each other once a month now due to our busy working schedules unlike in college wherein we see each other almost every day. They both work night shift on a “kewl” call center in the city while I teach in our municipality, about 29 kilometers away from the Negros Oriental capital. And we make sure we arrange our meeting on a weekend. If the 15th of a particular  month falls on a weekday, we only send greetings to each other and then automatically make plans for the upcoming weekend. On that particular day, we make the most out of our bonding. We eat, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk (insert choking and laughing at the same time here), and the best part—take groupies! ^_^

Sometimes, it’s okay for people to be away for a while because you will have something to look forward to; and the excitement that tags along with it will never fade. It is on that day wherein you hate to see each other part but you have to because you know that although you will miss them, you will definitely see them once again soon.

Like all other friendships, ours wasn’t also perfect. There were misunderstandings and mistrusts. There were Indianan moments and ruined expectations. There were away-bati episodes, just like all other friendships. But I personally thank God because He preserved this relationship. Sayang naman ang pinag-samahan, the years we spent together, and of course, it’s hard to let go of people you love so dear.

Cheers to our friendship! Cheers to all our friendships! May they last a lifetime!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Bubbles in the Wind

The past few days have been silent episodes of my existence as a self-confessed chronic blogger. Lately however, as I scanned through possible Youth Bible Study Guide materials, I came across two lovely poems written by names I never know. So yeah, their God-inspired poems are worth sharing.

Bubbles in the Wind
By Robert R. Hostetler

Sometimes, Lord, my faith seems
so fragile.
            Like bubbles in the wind.

They sparkle with transparent
            and wobble in the wind,
                        frail and fine.

I want to be strong, to feel in

But then
I remember
            it’s their delicate weakness
and their utter surrender to the
that allow bubbles in the wind
to fly.

By Gulsvig

Feeling desperately alone
Yet not knowing why
And not really wanting to try
To know the reason
Yet still farther
Down in the corners of my mind
Is a question
Wondering why
I still feel it slipping away;

The cold north wind
Blowing through my soul,
Right through to my heart
Piercing it and what?
One drop appears
Falling slowly
One crimson drop

…’tis my Savior’s!

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Where Are You Now?

I’ve been thinking of you.

I used to have you. I used to enjoy writing because I know you will be there. I was so dependent on you. But then one day, when I thought I kept you well, you just vanished. I cannot somehow figure out what I did to you. You just left without telling me. You left silently, like a purple-colored sunset which tucked itself unknowingly into the gigantic cotton balls of the skies. I was despondent. I shall not give up though. I will have you back. I will have you back. As to how you left, that shall be how I shall get you back. Dear creative juices, where are you now? I shall find you and I shall have you back.


I thought I was successful when I told myself to stop thinking about you. I wanted to remove that part of my hippocampus which holds all the memories of you – your face, your smile, your voice, your scent. But when I feel like I have moved on and have put the past behind, people and circumstances seem to tell me otherwise. At random walks, I meet people who look like you or who wears the same perfume as you do. Even random talks or random situations remind me of what we used to talk about or laugh about. Once upon a time, I thought I’ll never dip myself into melodramas again but that once upon a time has come to pass. Dear special someone, where are you now? Are you tired? ‘Coz you’ve been running through my mind lately.


Let’s just call it complicated, but I really think you have got my attention. For so long, I haven’t seen you. We’re mere acquaintances and perhaps this feeling I have for you is a mere infatuation but I really strongly think that you’ve met my standards. I’ve prayed for you at times and even daydreamed about the possibility of you liking me back. It’s a far-fetched thing with a 0.0000001 percent chance of becoming true but who cares. It’s my daydream anyway. As long as I won’t know that you already have a girlfriend, I shall hold on to that 0.0000001 percent and shall continue to pray for you. Dear crush, where are you now? I want to see you smile at me again.


And you! You make people think you are so important. Congratulations! You are successful on that note. A lot of people love you. A lot of people dream of you. A lot of people kill for you. A lot of people think you are everything. You are a bully, a deceiver, an enslaver. But I have to admit that I need and want you, too. That does not mean I will be your slave. I need you because the world lives for you. Since I am still in this world, I have to conform and use you. I need you…very badly! Dear sweldo, where are you now? Gusto ko nang kumain ng French fries.

Where are you now? I’ve been thinking of you.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Random Thoughts Part 26

French Fries. I’ve been smelling French fries everywhere lately. In fact, I am drenched in its scent right now, while doing this post. But since geography puts me 28 kilometers away from the nearest fast food chain, I cannot just grab a broomstick and fly away for a handful of French fries. The soonest I can visit the city, the soonest I can quench this quaint craving for these yellow fatty sticks. Weekend! Halika na!

Bad Habit. How do you break the mould of a bad habit? The bad habit of being late ALL THE TIME to be exact. How how de carabao?

Missing the Old Times. I miss college. I miss the pressures and exhaustions of college. The expectations of the people around me were quite different then than the expectations of the people now. Darn expectations! I am currently in the transition period. Back then, I thought flunking a subject or absenting a class is tragic. Now, I only think of those times as mild tragedies since I am facing a much bigger blight. This time, I have to deal with three things as part of life’s harsh reality -- yielding to a tangible boss who has nothing but beans in his brain, to an intangible boss who never tires to psychologically and physically tire me (and all the other teachers for that matter), and learning to balance respect for both.

New-Found Love. Despite all the new-found pressures is a new-found love. Since day one of ABS-CBN’s Pure Love, I try not to miss a day not seeing it. It’s my only consolation after a tiresome day at the office. And yes, it has served me well, especially because Joseph Marco is just so cute. Super cute! And Arjo Atayde’s dimples and eyes are breathtaking, too. Love love!

Okay. Tama na. It’s time for me to wake up and wrestle with life’s realities.

Monday, September 29, 2014

20 Facts About Me

This is supposedly a Facebook trend but it would be my pleasure to share 20 facts about me here on the blogosphere.

1. ORANGE has been my favorite color since grade 6. Pink and maroon are my least favorite.
2. I underwent a minor surgery last year. It means I was completely awake during the whole procedure. Yes, it was nerve-wracking but fun -- seeing all those blood-soaked cotton balls and crimson-tainted surgical knives and scissors and knowing that those saturated hues came from your very system.
3. Our black cat and plump dog are both named Shakespeare. I wanted to name our cat Peanuts but the rest of the family members disagreed.
4. I started blogging when I was second year college. It began as a compliance to the requirement of our then editor-in-chief, but later I found it as an emotional outlet and much later, a hobby.
5. Matt Evans and Coco Martin are my ex-crushes. Joseph Marco and Novac Djokovic are my present crushes. *insert twinkies*
6. I enjoy watching UFC. 
7. I always get watery eyes every time I sing "And Can It Be That I Should Gain" inside and outside church, especially on the chorus part. "Amazing love, how can it be that thou my God shouldst die for me..." 
8. I've never tried riding on a plane or a train. Not yet! :)
9. Kids are my kryptonite. 
10. I talk to myself in front of the mirror, inside the bath room, or while eating or walking alone. I also laugh when I'm alone. Basilio? Crispin?
11. I have always wished I was athletic. I tried playing lawn tennis in high school but my doctor said it's not good for me because...
12. I am scoliotic.
13. I have never seen the entire movie Titanic. I saw parts of it, but not the whole thing. I can't dare watch it. There's a certain something in that movie that I don't want to watch, and I can't even name it. Shoot me. I'm weird. >_<
14. I keep a diary.
15. I have never eaten balot but I will try it soon. Kanus-a pa kaha? 
16. I was born on a Holy Friday.
17. I cry almost immediately at dramatic movie scenes. I cry when I'm angry. I cry when I mention the people I care about in my prayers. Is that what they call "emotional"? Mao dagay ni rason nga wala na nikupos akong eyebags. 
18. I always smile. I smile when I'm embarrassed. I smile when I'm scared. I even smile when I'm about to cry. I even smile at strangers when I am in a very good mood. And yeah, I get back the smile I gave.
19. "Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." This is my life verse. 
20. I have convictions grounded on Biblical truths, so no one can force me to do something against what I believe in. I believe in Jesus Christ. He is my Lord and Savior. He died for my sins on the cross of Calvary. He forgave me and made me one of His own. One day soon, I will see Him face to face, and that day shall be the day I'll cast down my crown before Him. He shall lead me to that promised land where sickness and pain can't penetrate. Forever with Him! What a day, oh glorious day, that will be!

Friday, September 26, 2014

Never Argue With Children

You never know what to expect when you talk to children. But I really think you’re on the losing side when you begin to argue with them. I found this photo on Facebook and it drew a wide grin on my face. 

Do you have any funny encounters with kids and their charming wit? Maybe you can share it and be able to be the reason for someone’s smile today.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Experience, Still the Best Teacher

Everything has a good side. I know that now.

After the jubilation of knowing that I finally have my assignment advise from DepEd, I thought it was the end of my misery as a “caveman”. Tambay in colloquial terms. I thought I would finally be able to teach in a public school. But I learned from my superiors that I still have to wait for the appointment from the Division Office before I can officially start teaching. My whole world came crashing down after that but I had no time anymore to wallow in failure and false hopes. I was so over that. I had to move forward. Thus came the decision of volunteering at the District Office.

So what do I do as a volunteer? I act as the District Supervisor’s secretary, together with two other volunteers. I make letters, indorsements, transmittals, etc. I also respond to whatever the teachers from the Central School request. There are times when we get so busy, especially when there are meetings, contests, or visitors, but there are also times when we get so busy doing nothing.

It’s tiring, yeah, but at least my days now are more productive than compared to the past few months. I have been oriented to the different forms and reports the teachers need to make and accomplish and the stresses of the teachers that they get every day from their pupils, the parents, and the District Supervisor.

What’s the best part of being a volunteer so far? For me, it is learning how to photocopy using this monstrous machine. Hahaha. I have also learned how to open it every time the paper jams. I don’t know why I enjoy it so much and I don’t know why the reason of my enjoyment is so shallow but never mind. I am hoping for your kindest consideration. Hahaha.

Another thing. I also learned that there’s a word “indorsement”. At first, I thought the school statistician just had it wrong. I was thinking of “endorsement”. But there really is a word “indorsement”. It is a promotional statement written at the back of a bill, note or other instrument. It could also be written on a separate sheet.

I just hope this “volunteerism” thing won’t last long, because as much as I enjoy my job as a photocopier/encoder/secretary, I know I belong to the teaching force. ^_^

Saturday, September 13, 2014

How To Become A Public School Teacher

I have always dreamed of becoming a teacher ever since time immemorial. During my elementary, high school and even the early stage of my university life, I thought becoming a teacher – a public school teacher to be exact – would be as easy as enrolling at a prominent university, taking and passing the licensure examination and applying for the desired position. But it was way more than that. I never thought it would be hard and exhausting, infuriating at times even.

So how do you become a public school teacher? Here’s how (based on personal experience).

Get a degree in Education or take18 units in Ed. à Graduate. à Review for the LET. à Pray that you will pass. à If you pass, praise God and congratulations. Continue to the next phase. If you do not pass, you can either teach in a private school or apply at a call center, take the Civil Service Eligibility Exam to apply for other jobs, be bitter, review again for the next LET or you can be all of that. à Process your license and pay for the oath taking ceremony. à Attend the oath taking ceremony. àClaim license after two to three weeks or until one month of waiting. à Apply for teacher 1 position in your district or in your division during the given application dates (only). à Undergo the ranking phase. Comply all requirements for ranking (Prepare all necessary photocopies, be interviewed, present a class demonstration, etc.) This usually takes one month, depending upon the speed of the ranking committee in working out their applicants. à Get results. It usually takes two to three weeks or one month before the results come out. à The division or the district divides the applicants into four categories according to their rate from the recent ranking. If you belong to category A, you have a very high possibility of getting an item immediately (and by immediately, I mean you have to wait for another three or four months). If you belong to category B, uh, perhaps there’s a chance, depending upon the availability of items. If you belong to the C and D categories, uhm, maybe you can come back again next year? Thank you! Or you can volunteer and be unpaid for all your services. Thank you again! àThe advice for teaching finally arrives! You party to the highest level (although it does not literally imply). à Go to the division office or district office to get your assignment advice. It is a piece of paper declaring where you will teach and that you are a Teacher 1 already. à Comply all requirements enumerated on the paper. Usually, you are given 7 days to complete it. à File and pass the documents to the district or division office. The district supervisor usually does this but if he/she gives a lot of reasons for not going to the division office, then you have to do it yourself (of course with his/her permission). à Wait for the appointment from the higher office. The appointment is another piece of paper which contains where you will teach, what grade level you will be assigned, and perhaps your salary for an annum. Once you receive it, you can already start teaching because the computation for your salary starts at that date. Recently, I just knew from an old classmate in college that the appointment arrives three to four months after the advise has been given. à CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE A TEACHER NOW! You can claim your salary three to four months from now, with deductions already mam/sir. (And the martyrdom begins. Oh no! The martyrdom does not begin here. It just continues, and continues, and continues, ‘til the day you retire. Oh no! Not until the day of your retirement but ‘til the day you finally die.)

*insert Gollum face here*

Maybe you find the process easy. Yeah, it looks easy when you read it, but when you get to experience all of it – the looooooooong wait between each interval (which takes months and even years), the false hopes, the frustrations, the pressure from people who had such high expectations from you, the corrupt officials, the delays from the higher office, the procrastination of personnel, and the overly meticulous checking of documents – you will surely feel like you have wasted a lot of your time and effort, and you begin to question if your patience is even worth extending.

But I salute the teachers who continue to do service even without pay (volunteerism, as what it’s called in Education jargons). I salute the teachers who endure the sweltering heat of the sun and the anger of the monsoons just to get to their schools located 8 to 17 to 30 kilometers away from their comfort zones. Talking about dusty roads, big boulders, and even insurgents at times. I salute the teachers who teach the lesson to their classes and extend their patience every day at their pupils/students who either day dream, flirt with their crushes or learn slow. The only consolation there is to see them bloom into beautiful flowers and achieve their dreams in the future. I salute the teachers who prefer to suffer with the poor and hungry children for the sake of education rather than giving up on humanity and deciding to resign to seek for a greener pasture at neighboring first- or second-world countries with higher regard and respect to teachers. I salute the philanthropic nature of teachers and their undying concern for OTHER people. I salute them all. They are my heroes since day 1 of my schooling.

It is my prayer now that God extend my patience more and that He will give me the right attitude while waiting for the last phase of this whole “waiting” stage. I have always looked up to my teachers (although not all of them shared a pleasant memory with me) as heroes. Now, I pray I will also become a hero to my future pupils, not that I want to be famous or be lofty. I don’t want any of that. I want them to find an inspiration, a model, a person whom they can hold on to. I hope that dream isn’t bad. I used to do that (making people as inspirations), and look where I am now. By the grace of God primarily, yes, and then my teachers’ belief in me, too.

I pray that before I die, people will say I have served humanity well, and when I die, when I see my Master, He would say, “You have glorified me, my child. Well done!”  

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Take the Time to be Thankful

Let me share this passage, one of my favorites from the book Esther: A Woman of Strength and Dignity by Charles R. Swindoll.

(Ben Patterson in his excellent book Waiting: Finding Hope When God Seems silent) wrote: There is a lovely poem which speaks to this wonderfully. It was reputedly written by a young soldier who received massive and permanently debilitating injuries in the Civil War. He lived as a cripple the rest of his days, wrestling and waiting for God to show His face, His purpose in it all. At the end of his strugglings, he wrote this:

I asked for strength that I might achieve;
I was made weak that I might obey.

I asked for health that I might do greater things;
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy;
I was  given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

I have received nothing I asked for, all that I hoped for.

My prayer is answered.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Celebrate Life

Someone told me that life is transient. I am pretty aware of that. I know she knows I see life that way, too. But her next line made me reflect. “That is why we must always tell our friends and families how much we love them and how much they mean to us. Who knows it would be your last, or theirs.”

She’s absolutely right about that thought. We don’t usually give too much value to people, relationships, and everything that we have at present not until it’s gone, not until it’s too late. We end up blaming ourselves for not having been there for a friend, or not having been able to say the right words to a loved one, or not having been able to appreciate our job. All the “I could’ve done it this way” thoughts begin to penetrate, and we start to become miserable.

Okay. ‘Nuff of the drama though. God gave us the chance to live another life, one day at a time, so why not live in it and enjoy it. Tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Tell your friends who have been away for quite some time that you miss them. Thank your boss for hiring you. Sing your favorite song in the shower.   Drink a cup of coffee. Watch a movie. Take a walk in the park. Stalk your crush on Facebook. Write something on your diary. Read the Bible. Blush. Smile. Laugh. Chill. Life is wonderful. Life is beautiful. :) 

Let us put all the aches of the past behind and let future worry for itself. We have the NOW. Let us be happy with it. Let us be grateful for it.

Celebrate life – with your dear friends, family, special someone (if you’re in a relationship), pets, students (if you’re a teacher), teachers (if you’re a student), employees (if you’re the boss), boss (if you’re the employee), food (if you’re a human being), etc. YOLO!

"insert confettis here"

P.S. A year and 17 days after my last post, I have finally emerged from the longest hiatus I have ever had on the blogosphere. And yeah, I am definitely back. I am officially active once again. (palakpakan na may kasamang sigawan!)
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