I have been caught in so many embarrassing instances that I could not already comprehend how thick faced I have become. Urgh! I could be just so clumsy at times and with the environment spicing up my clumsiness, I turn out to be a laughingstock.
This afternoon, I attended our speech choir practice at the mini-theater of our college. I have a solo part in that piece of ours, just so you know. So there I was ready to step forward and utter my line. I felt numb but I think I was brave enough to fight it. I was able to move my legs and advanced to the center. I delivered the first two sentences of my share with confidence. I know that I have to do good because two of our Education teachers are watching us, and they are evaluating how far we have mastered the piece.
Then, my brain just completely turned blank (as in total block-out happening inside my membrane). I could not think of any other good reason not to destroy the composure that I have established during the delivery. Unaware, I turned to my colleagues and asked them what my next line was. They all burst into boisterous laughter and I stood there completely clueless of what defense mechanism to enact. I was totally screwed during that time. I did not afford to look at our teacher and the audience. I just smiled and gave a faint laugh for the mistake that I have done, but deep inside, I could still see the vivid picture of their bullying reaction to my lapse. It crushed me. I wanted to drop and cry but I mustn't. I know it is not the right thing to do.
Though the teachers did not overtly react to my mistake, I know they are now more keen at observing me perform. We did retakes and thank God, I did not forget my lines already. But I was still pressured. Everybody's eyes are now glued to me.
Tomorrow is our dress rehearsal, and I shall have to struggle uttering those lines again. Oh God! I really need your help. I don't want to be embarrassed again. (insert sad face here)