Monday, September 20, 2010

A Very Worthless Creature

This is my 100th post! Yipee! But unfortunately, this will not be a jovial post.

Who would ever think that this will be a hell day? I did! I already knew, from yesterday, that this is my doomsday. I don't blame anyone for this failure for I created this myself. I am the failure. I am supposed to memorize those dance steps with mastery but nothing happened. I even got confused with the easiest -- line dance.

Today's our practicum and I never got excited. No matter how I prayed for guidance, everything that we practiced yesterday was already a blur. I never had a perfect performance, even once. Darn that P.E. Darn me! That mellow Korean music played inside the office triggered my tears to flow incessantly and I have to hide in the c.r. to dispose all those wastes.

I hate how dumb I am. I hate how ugly I am when I dance. I hate everything about me. I am a worthless mammal with nothing inside her but a backbone, and an ugly feature. Darn me!

I don't know how to get out of this failure but I think this is already part of me and I cannot remove it from my blood. No matter how others say that I am good at this and that, it won't change the fact that I am indeed a failure -- and will always be.  Darn me!

I just wish I could just afford to slit my wrist or hang myself, or shoot my head then I have done it already. I wish no one loves me so that I can end my life that easy. I wish committing suicide is not a sin. I wish God won't be very upset if I will stop breathing. I just wish! Then I could  have been gone for good now, away from this body and away from the world. I hate how I have to keep up with the standard of the world. But today, I have to say, I am worthless.


  1. Ill be honest, I am shocked with this post. I never ever thought that this is how you think of yourself.

    This may not change your thoughts, but let me just tell you that I think so highly of you. I admire your writing skills and I often say to myself that your way better than I am. I hope you would realize how great you are. I hope you'd see how much all of us look up to you!

    About the dancing, I myself do not know how to dance. The technique there is to believe that you can and to enjoy it. Makabawi ra ka. Okay?

    So much with this nega post, smile na baby R. ^_^

  2. Hindi ibig sabihin na hindi ka marunong sumayaw ay wala ka nang kwenta. Kung yan ang akala mo sa sarili mo, ay isa kang malaking tanga.

    Kung galit ka sa sarili mo dahil para kang naglalakad na kawayan, isipin mo nalang ang mga lumpong gustong makalakad.

    Isipin mo nalang ang mga bulag na gustong makakita.
    Isipin mo nalang ang mga taong gustong magkaroong ng minamahal sa buhay.

    Isipin mo nalang ang lahat ng meron ka na wala sila.

    Isipin mo naman ang mararamdaman ng Diyos kapag nalaman niyang ganyan ang iniisip mo sa sarili mo.

    Huwag kang PESSIMIST.

  3. ...wiw..thank you ate margz...ambot shock ra dagway ko sa ako performance sa p.e nga wala juy angay...makawala ug self worth..but thank you for the encouragement...i feel better now:) ♥

  4. ..yeah ryan..thank you ray :) ♥

    ..buang ra jud ko nako ka desperate

  5. Reply ko sa comment mo sa post ko>>

    ..Walang ano man poh..
    Ano ba naman ang magagawa ko na isang CUTE at matalinong kaibigan kundi tulungan din ang kanyang magiging-CUTE na kaibigan.

    Kung tataba ka na at ayaw mo na sa akin. Okay lang din. Atleast masaya ka sa katabaan mo.

    Maghihintay muna akong maging Asul ang buwan kung magkaroon man ng laman ang payat mung katawan.

    You know jen, everyone has a problem and being a pessimist at those times of sorrow and dissapointment would bring you no good...

    At sa nga pala, niminsan sa buhay ko ay hindi ko ginustong mamatay kahit wala nang kabuluhang maglakad sa mundong ibabaw dahil sa mga walang kwentang tao, pangyayari, at problema.

  6. ..yah..i understood God's purpose in my life and this has happened to me for so many times nah..but still, He keeps on reminding me that life is beautiful and that failures and misadventures do happen...they are part of it...

    ..ako na laging sala uie...ikaon na lang ni kaysa ipa agi ug stress..diba? hehe


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