This is my 100th post! Yipee! But unfortunately, this will not be a jovial post.
Who would ever think that this will be a hell day? I did! I already knew, from yesterday, that this is my doomsday. I don't blame anyone for this failure for I created this myself. I am the failure. I am supposed to memorize those dance steps with mastery but nothing happened. I even got confused with the easiest -- line dance.
Today's our practicum and I never got excited. No matter how I prayed for guidance, everything that we practiced yesterday was already a blur. I never had a perfect performance, even once. Darn that P.E. Darn me! That mellow Korean music played inside the office triggered my tears to flow incessantly and I have to hide in the c.r. to dispose all those wastes.
I hate how dumb I am. I hate how ugly I am when I dance. I hate everything about me. I am a worthless mammal with nothing inside her but a backbone, and an ugly feature. Darn me!
I don't know how to get out of this failure but I think this is already part of me and I cannot remove it from my blood. No matter how others say that I am good at this and that, it won't change the fact that I am indeed a failure -- and will always be. Darn me!
I just wish I could just afford to slit my wrist or hang myself, or shoot my head then I have done it already. I wish no one loves me so that I can end my life that easy. I wish committing suicide is not a sin. I wish God won't be very upset if I will stop breathing. I just wish! Then I could have been gone for good now, away from this body and away from the world. I hate how I have to keep up with the standard of the world. But today, I have to say, I am worthless.
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