Saturday, June 19, 2010

Take a Deep Breath

Okay! Let's try to pretend it did not happen. Let's try to smile at each other like nothing has been boggling our twirling brains. Let's try to act like everything's alright and I am not affected by how gawky you treat me. Let's try to think that I am ignoring you. Let's try to keep this situation under control. Let's just try. But if we fail, we can still go to the old "us" and start that foolish act again.

Never! I ain't going back. For almost three years of stupidity, I am ending this obsession. Since this is not an overnight change, I will try my best not to melt when seeing your ugly smile. I will try my best not to blush with every texts you send. I will try my best not to expect that you would talk to me for hours. I will try my best to stay away from you. Anyway, I don't have the right to settle on a life with you. I made this idiotic scheme to pleasure my own self and now that I am old enough to have a mature discernment and perspective on that childish behavior, I am slowly detaching myself from your kaleidoscopic world.

Thank you for those times that you made me smile though perhaps, you don't know. Thank you for those corny jokes just for me (I suppose that's only for me). Thank you for those fantasies of walking with you and hearing your sweet voice. Thank you! But I have another love now. He has always been there for me and sometimes, I just can't remember how He cared for me. Instead, I looked at myself and made selfish decisions which stabbed me to a painful heart failure. I don't know how to repay that love but I know giving my whole self and my shattered heart to Him would be the best thing I can do. With His mercy and grace, I am still on the right track though sometimes, or even oftentimes, I have crooked paths too, just like the rest. But I am a hundred and one percent sure that I will never be harmed when I am with Him, anytime and anywhere.

Guess who my one true love is? It's for me to keep and for you to discover.

As for you Matt Evans, well, you're still my crush. Never worry. But I have to settle on that ground as of this moment for me to be able to focus on priorities higher than yourself. Ayt?

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