Denialism Daw

 

Bakit ba nakokornihan akong bumasa sa mga university diaries (UD) namin na puro about love pero ang dali namang makasulat ng mga love stories? Bakit parang yucky talaga tingnan ng mga magshotang sobra sa PDA? Bakit nagkaka teary eyes ako sa mga posts ng mga kaibigan ko about their happy love life? Bakit ang sarap tingnan ng mga old people na naka HHWW pa rin? Bakit ang sarap pakinggan pag nalaman ko na hindi lang pala ako ang single sa mundo? Bakeeeeeeet? 

Di naman ako insecure ah. Di talaga, as in! Gusto ko lang ng peace and quiet na life, yung tipong walang away, walang iyakan, walang selosan. Gusto ko world peace. Please! Maawa kayo, gusto ko rin naman ng happy ending pero di pa daw sabi ni tatay. Not now. Haaay! Kelan pa? Daysi otshow na po ako. But I know my parents know better than I do kaya sunod muna ako. In the process, I always pray for a matino na boypren later. The fact na matino boys are slowly going to extinction is bothering me. Baka di pa nga napanganak ang magiging hasban ko. 

Ano ba 'to? Nababato na ako sa mga acoustic love songs na 'to. Pero ang sarap kasi pakinggan. Ay ewan. Balik na ko sa pag-edit. Kakayanin ko ang pressure of editing love stories. Napansin ko lang, wala talagang coherence whatsoever ang second paragraph ko. And the whole thing. Ah basta. ;)

BTW, this is the edited version of the UD I edited earlier. Maganda naman pagkagawa ng author.

Lucky yet Insecure

By: Kinomoto Sakura 

“Don’t let doubts lose the magic of love because it’s not every day that you meet the people who have the magic to let you fall in love.” ─ Alvinn Bonn

It’s been almost four months since I and my boyfriend met. I can say that I  really am one heck of a lucky girl to have him. Who wouldn’t want a charming, kind, and patient gentleman?

But sometimes, I have doubts whether or not our relationship will last due to his position as a CTU Officer of the Criminology department. There’s always a possibility that a lot of women will swoop or idolize him. I am always jealous and I admit that I’m afraid to lose him.

Since I don’t have the confidence to tell him directly about what I feel, I often make gestures that I don’t want him to mingle with any woman; and he immediately knows what I mean with my unusual actions. But I realized that I have no rights whatsoever to tell him that because I am just his girlfriend. 

Despite the fact that I am already mad at him, he’ll softly say, “Don’t worry babe. You’re my only girl. No one can replace you in my heart.”

I couldn’t help but be scared of thinking that maybe one day, another woman would capture his heart.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t trust him, though. I am just afraid that there might come a time that I will lose the one I cherish the most. However, some of his friends assured me that I am lucky to have him because he is such a nice man.  “He truly loves you. We can’t say anything bad to him,” they would say.

I honestly feel insecure when some girls come close to him even just to ask him something. There were even times that I get so pissed off because of my unwanted jealousy. But what can I do? I just love him so much. What he does to suffice me to hold my hand and hug me tight while saying, “I love you so much babe. Just trust me... ” and then, in a moment, my silliness would fade away.

I always think that I don’t deserve to have him. He’s so kind and honest to me and yet I let my insecurities and jealousy envelope me. But as long as he is there for me and will always be willing to love me until the end, I will do my very best to give my full trust to him. I will continue to love him as much as he loves me.

I just hope that we will last long no matter what happens, that we can conquer all the trials in our relationship together, and  that I can trust him fully enough. I still hope that once I offer him the trust he longed to have, he’s still there to love me.

 I admit that the message is indeed really true that you should not let your doubts blind you with the truth because it’s only once in a lifetime that you will meet the perfect one. Each person has their different ways to make you fall in love but not all can truly capture your heart.

I’ve written this university diary because I know that through this, I have confessed these sentiments to my boyfriend. I just hope and wish that he understands me every time I get mad at him sometimes. If he truly loves me, he can understand my sentiments.

Kinomoto Sakura is a second year BS Mass Communication student who loves to write during her free time.