Conscience-Stricken

I cannot straighten a single word into the monitor. I cannot directly say what I have to say. I have said sorry to God for that enormous thing that made me one heck of a sinner once again.

I don't need to mention what I have done here in this blog but I assure you, what I did was super wrong and shouldn't have done by someone who professes intimate relationship with Christ. 

I did not think of any guilt when I made it. What I immediately thought of was the fact that I will get things right, honesty exempted, before I pass it to my teacher. Yes, all of us were having problems and thus came the inkling that I will do something fishy. Anyway, my classmates will also do the same. 

Later, however, I realized they did not change anything from their work, making me wake up from my dishonest thoughts. My brain uttered, "They're far better than you. They're far more honest than you. I thought you have changed. Maybe yet you have really changed, changed for the worse."

It really is a pain to hear your conscience strike you with a hot, iron rod. And that's what I am feeling right now. Queues of what ifs parade my head. I don't want to be scolded. I have already asked sorry from HIM. And I have said that I will never ever do it again. I pray, Lord, please let me just pass the eye of the needle even just for this once. But if worse comes to worse, I am ready to face the music.