Overthinking

Today is a repetition of yesterday and tomorrow will be the exact replica of today. But there are no two days that happened exactly alike. ~ Jane Franco

What bothered me yesterday still bothers me today, and I’ll be thinking of the same thought tomorrow. If I will not allow myself for a chance of candor, then I’d be living like this until who-knows-when.

It’s about taking chances – taking chances on two different souls, taking chances on telling them the truth about what I truly feel for them, what I truly want, what I honestly think would be best for us, and what I think would put a smile on God’s face. I can’t afford to initiate however, for I find it fit for them to “make the first call”. I still think they have to start the conversation, man to man, (aw, man to woman pala) and that would be the perfect time to pour out all my emotions.

It’s hard to be like this every day since they are both geographically far from me. They are islands away, and I am left contemplating from day to day. If only they were honest and braver when they had the chance to talk with me before, I could’ve told them the truth. I could've been a freed bird now.

'Til today, they continue to hold on to that 5% spark and every day, I die a million deaths as I think about them and their thoughts of a chance. Every day, I get hurt by the thought that I still haven’t told them the truth because every day, though they are so far away, they never miss to show effort, to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. It’s a privilege, but it’s also a burden.

I will never tell them via call or text. That would be rude and inappropriate, especially because this has something to do with our emotions. This is something to be taken seriously. This is not a game of cards. This is something to be talked over a cup of coffee. This is a big deal since they have already invested so much, emotionally. And it's partially my fault for not stopping them. 

This is not an issue about love. This is about bravery, honesty, open-mindedness, faith, and closure. This is not an issue about love because I know what I need now, more than ever. This is not an issue about love or about unsure feelings because I am quite confident to say that my feelings aren’t deceiving me this time. This is not an issue about love, but sure, yeah, this is an issue about unrequited love.

I want this over with, but until they say, “Can we talk?” I will continue dealing with this groundswell of mixed emotions inside my system. May God bless their soul!