Where Are You Now?

I’ve been thinking of you.

I used to have you. I used to enjoy writing because I know you will be there. I was so dependent on you. But then one day, when I thought I kept you well, you just vanished. I cannot somehow figure out what I did to you. You just left without telling me. You left silently, like a purple-colored sunset which tucked itself unknowingly into the gigantic cotton balls of the skies. I was despondent. I shall not give up though. I will have you back. I will have you back. As to how you left, that shall be how I shall get you back. Dear creative juices, where are you now? I shall find you and I shall have you back.

 ***

I thought I was successful when I told myself to stop thinking about you. I wanted to remove that part of my hippocampus which holds all the memories of you – your face, your smile, your voice, your scent. But when I feel like I have moved on and have put the past behind, people and circumstances seem to tell me otherwise. At random walks, I meet people who look like you or who wears the same perfume as you do. Even random talks or random situations remind me of what we used to talk about or laugh about. Once upon a time, I thought I’ll never dip myself into melodramas again but that once upon a time has come to pass. Dear special someone, where are you now? Are you tired? ‘Coz you’ve been running through my mind lately.

***

Let’s just call it complicated, but I really think you have got my attention. For so long, I haven’t seen you. We’re mere acquaintances and perhaps this feeling I have for you is a mere infatuation but I really strongly think that you’ve met my standards. I’ve prayed for you at times and even daydreamed about the possibility of you liking me back. It’s a far-fetched thing with a 0.0000001 percent chance of becoming true but who cares. It’s my daydream anyway. As long as I won’t know that you already have a girlfriend, I shall hold on to that 0.0000001 percent and shall continue to pray for you. Dear crush, where are you now? I want to see you smile at me again.

***

And you! You make people think you are so important. Congratulations! You are successful on that note. A lot of people love you. A lot of people dream of you. A lot of people kill for you. A lot of people think you are everything. You are a bully, a deceiver, an enslaver. But I have to admit that I need and want you, too. That does not mean I will be your slave. I need you because the world lives for you. Since I am still in this world, I have to conform and use you. I need you…very badly! Dear sweldo, where are you now? Gusto ko nang kumain ng French fries.

Where are you now? I’ve been thinking of you.