Flustered

Have you tried such abnormality when you're anticipating for something but you don't want it to happen anyway? Or wanting to see someone but hesitant to tell that someone about what you really feel? Or trying to absorb that everything's going to be fine when the truth is nothing feels right?

I finally had the guts to tell myself that I am feeling a little disturbed about something. I realized I am beginning to be more like those other girls who tell me about that four-letter word which they call LOVE. It's so awkward that a gal like me who once hated the word is now inclined to it. I really do not know how to describe such feeling by details but the fact that I have made myself admit that I am "in love" is enough.

The ugly truth is that I am not only hooked to one man. There's two of them, sadly. And I honestly hate myself for that. If only my father wasn't too strict about such relationship, I could have said yes to the both of them. But it sounds so wrong. I believe you would also tell me it's enormously wrong to fall in love with not only one but two men at the same time. I'm sorry but even I myself cannot understand me. Good thing I love my father more than them so I am wise enough for choosing to follow tatay over my heart.

Two more days and I will be back to that site where I met that one man who built and broke my heart two years ago. I wish he would be there. However, such wish would only remain a wish for he will definitely never show up. The other one is hard to predict. We have built a mutual relationship through texting since my high school years but until now, nothing's happening. I haven't even talked to him in person yet. I never knew him personally but his beautiful face just pops into my head every now and then.

If given the chance to change anything from my past, it would be those days when I met both of them. I would never focus on their presence in order for me not feel this miserably hideous feeling that I am painfully bearing until now.

I want some help but I'm afraid I am not getting any of it.

(drama ayu noh?..pasenxa na po..batter me for this post if you want..hehe)

Hue Days

We learned our first colors when we were in our kindergarten years. We had the primary colors made up of blue, red and yellow; the secondary colors -- green, orange, and violet; the tertiary colors -- red orange, yellow orange, blue green, yellow green, blue violet, and red violet. Then, here comes pink, brown and the shades white and black.



Sabal sah? Anyway, tsada ra na if you are really into colors. I don't what my purpose is for making this post, but at least I encountered new colors which I thought did not exist. These are examples..

• feldgrau
• fulvous
• grullo
• harlequin
• icterine
• isabelline
• jonquil
• verdigris
• xanadu
• zaffre
• teal
• alizarin

Nose bleed ang mga names.. it's hard to remember for kindergartens.. :0)

Reaching the Zenith of the Pyramid

Her appearance in the recent ABS-CBN show Little Big Star revealed a new diva in the music industry. Though her stardom did not arrive in a snap of a finger, she was still blessed to be discovered by the once mysterious False Voice who threw her to the throne.

Just like most of the singers' success stories, hers was as surprising and as overwhelming as the rest of her colleagues' in the industry where she's in.

The last time I turned the television on, I ran through MYX and was able to see her music video “Pyramid”. Wow! This minute image of a Filipina singer has gone international. I cannot deny that she indeed has one great talent which I would consider phenomenal. One heck of a voice you got there, Charice!

I am not fond of idolizing people in the spotlight or their glittery outfits or their awesome talents or their striking beauties but I think this time, I have to say that I am a fan of Charice (slight rah). I hope I can hear more of her international hits on the later issues.

I just found a reason to be proud of my nationality.

More of a Competition Than an Acquaintance

After the two-day-seminar held in Silliman University, I was able to meet other writers from the other universities and was able to make impressions which did not serve me well, I suppose.

On the second day of the seminar, our efforts of listening to the speakers finally paid off with an unfinished article I made in journ.ph. It went this way...

"Taking A Step Closer To Mother Nature

In a recent post by Yahoo.com, a discovery regarding the humongous humpback whale making a huge contribution to the environment by absorbing great amounts of CO2 through its feces intrigued us. Great! The whales are starting to use their minute brains in helping the environment. What about the human beings, who, as a matter of fact, have been considered as the highest class of specie created by God? What have they done to save Mother Earth?

The half-day tour in the Institute of Environmental and Marine Sciences and the A.Y. Reyes Zoological and Botanical Garden became an eye opener to us being mediocre campus journalists. The sights and wonders provided us bits and pieces of the puzzle that brought us to a deliberate realization of environmental concern and intervention."

...including these sub-topics: "A Deep Plunge with a Deeper Thought" and "A Bask of Mother Nature’s Pride"

I could have enhanced the Feature Story had I been given ample time. However, the bond that I had with my fellow Norsunians and the strains that we fought together cannot be paid.



--an open forum during our visit in GP Rehab



--one BIG happy family



--a rare specie indeed! the Philippine Spotted Deer...i finally saw one..hooray!



--croc, say "aaah"



--this scenario might not be the same picture ten years from now



--narci lang...sori nagud...hehe...kuyog bitaw mi ni kuya germs

(I almost failed to notice that the title did not fit the write-up. In short, walei ang title.)

Thank You Star Movies

Alexander Ludwig. I have remembered the face since the day I saw the movie "The Seeker: the Dark is Rising" where he played as Will Stanton but the name I only knew when I saw his recent movie "Race to Witch Mountain" with Anna Sophia Rob and Dwayne Johnson.

I will say this once. He is so cute. I will say it again. He is so cute. Just try to look at him in the eyes and you will know what I'm talking about. :) (wala pa ring dadaig kay Matt Evans)

Anyway, because of Star Movies, I was able to discover this rare specie that has been existing mundanely for 17 years already (he's roughly a year ahead of my own existence).



This image of an innocent lad with nestled blonde hair and fiery dark green eyes just caught my attention. His saturnine face and intrepid brows is responsible for the exposure of the genuine charm in him. wiw...His perfectly curved lips match wonderfully to the well-mounted nose that towered his image. And his ears? hmmm...just good.

However, he looks a lot better in movies and action scenes wearing typical jeans, shirt and jacket than in pictorials with prestigious stars wearing coat and tie.

But How?

It seemed two thousand years ago already when I checked my blog. Aside from the fact that I don't feel logging in internet cafes to make a post or even check my status in Facebook (hehe)and Orangeshark (hehehe), I honestly am trying to save money. I finally found the essence of priority and thriftiness.

Anyway, between those two thousand years of absence in this space, I have gathered questions that really require difficult elixir.

Graduation has finally marked the end of the year and with this, some people whom I considered great friends, refuge and help would soon leave the publication, and perhaps, me. I want to tell myself that everything would be fine but until now, I never imagined how the office would look like without them. Kuya Jay, the humor bearer; Kuya Paul, the computer genius; Kuya Christian, the silent grenade; and Kuya Junrell, the very foundation of TN, the jack of all trades, the "pinakakuya"-- the four of them would soon lift their palms open, smile and say, "Goodbye!" I want to let go of this confusion...but how?

Several nights ago, we had our election for the new set of editorial board of TN. Unfortunately, I was elected as the Features Editor and though it means higher H (hihihi), it also calls for a greater responsibility. Somehow, I want to thank the people who voted me for it has boost my morale and my self-esteem. I want to function well with my new position...but how?

It was last night when I confirmed my friend's ill plight true. She has been a high school friend and though her first impression at me wasn't so befriending yet it changed for good. After several close bondings, an event almost tore our friendship. And now that I realized that she's about to be operated because of a cyst that has been found in her left breast, I cannot imagine how to help her. The operation is very near, in fact two days away already. I really want to extend my aid and tell her I am one of her true friends...but how?

Since the day I was born, I was not able to see some of my dear aunts in my mother's side. Now that they have come to visit my grandmother in Bayawan City, a plan of having a reunion was established. So exciting indeed, for I will be spending a few hours with them and spare 0.00001% of my life sharing humorous stories and experiences. I really want to capture those moments with them in a way that my mother, who has been dreaming of this gathering for so long already, would never forget. I want to help my mother plan a great get together by making a short program...but how? (super clueless on how to make it "not walei")

The LGU scholars in our municipality have also planned to have a party in celebration of the fresh graduates. I want to attend, honestly, with all the food and refreshments that has to be served during that day. But I still have a hard time adjusting. I haven't even made a close friend. Good thing the president of the organization is a kind gal and she makes me feel I belong. I really wanted to get out of my shell and start conversing with each one of them...but how?

Could somebody please provide me with the answers? I really have a hard time with this thin life. And here's my major dilemma.

GUSTO KO MUTAMBOK...but how?