Saturday, August 28, 2010

What Do Angels Look Like?

While surfing for speeches on the net, I ran through this essay by Veronica M. Hay posted on www. and decided to copy this on my blog. This is such a wonderful output and I do hope you will appreciate this one like how I did.

What do angels look like?

Like the little old lady who returned your wallet yesterday.

Like the taxi driver who told you that your eyes light up the world, when you smile.

Like the small child who showed you the wonder in simple things.

Like the poor man who offered to share his lunch with you.

Like the rich man who showed you it really is all possible, if only you believe.

Like the stranger who just happened to come along, when you had lost your way.

Like the friend who touched your heart, when you didn't think you had one left to touch.

Angels come in all sizes and shapes, all ages and skin types.

Some with freckles, some with dimples, some with wrinkles, some without.

They come disguised as friends, enemies, teachers, students, lovers and fools.

They don't take life too seriously,
They travel light.

They leave no forwarding address,
They ask for nothing in return.

They wear sneakers with gossamer wings,
They get a deal on dry cleaning.

They are hard to find when your eyes are closed, But
They are everywhere you look when you choose to see.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Math Blast

I was overjoyed when I realized I was able to answer the mind-twirling problems of our Math assignment. The five-paged activity our teacher gave looked too complicated on a glimpse but the numbers in the calculator shouted songs of victory as I slowly embossed the figures on my paper. As the cursor of my calculator blinked in silence, I saw myself being able to fight the weakness and apprehensions in my mind. I thanked God for making me somehow proud of myself even just for awhile.

Sad to say, however, I ended up copying the rest of the unanswered word problems from my classmates' works. They were too good for those Math complexities and I just cannot level myself to them. I think it is the only capacity my mind can have -- to remain on the easy level of Trigonometry -- and continue to enjoy the moments I have with the rest of my classmates who only depend on their colleagues for answers in our assignments. What a blast indeed! 

Headache plus pressure plus effort (in copying) equals...wala rah..char char ra gud!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The 'C' word

Most people here in the office, if not trying to hold back the green oozes in their noses, are trying to hide the itch in their throats so as not to cough disturbingly. Outside the four walls of this confinement, however, studes seemed to be very healthy and too distant from the malign powers of Monsters Cough and Cold.

I had this cough and cold since last week and the medication that I am taking does not show any cooperation with my wellness. No signs of progress at all. I still have this sleepless nights because I can hardly breath. My nose is like being plastered with tampons and making my mouth the alternative entrance for breathing is such an uncomfortable situation. Who would ever say that they can sleep in such style? 

I am thankful though that I am done with that three-day fever that did not only affect my physique but my studies as well. As the news about friends and acquaintances who also suffered the same situation reached my ear, I thought it has been the season for these two monsters to spread their poisonous tentacles to those who do not have enough resistance to fight back. Good job to both the Cold and Cough Monsters but I hope this is going to end as soon as possible. Mothers and fathers cannot anymore afford the left and right expense of Mefenamic Acid, Biogesic, Neozep, Bio Flu and other 'effective' medicines.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Grave Shame

Our representative to the Miss Universe pageant, Maria Venus Raj, who made it to the top 15 or Manny Pacquiao's winning glory in the ring cannot cover the bad record the Philippines has once again set in international television. 
The hostage taking did not only creep the wits out of me. It also made me conclude that the Philippine government is so dumb in dealing with frightful and horrid situations such as this one and the Philippine National Police (PNP), generally speaking though, does not only show transparent biases but also performed in cheap mediocrity with highly commendable plans and attitudes which scared tourists away from the country. Good job there, you guys!

I cannot blame Noynoy Aquino for not doing anything to stop the spill of blood in that Manila bus hostage but as the president of the Philippines, this issue has become a wake up call for him. A bugle being blown right into his ears which tells him clearly that it is not easy to deal with lunatic Filipinos especially when they have started to make their move. But he's the president, right? He's supposed to do what is expected of him -- negotiate and make that frustrated ex-police officer stop whatever he was doing. It is never true that the government cannot do anything regarding the hostage-taking. They were given brains to think, for goodness' sake.There must be ways, they did not just see it for they have been blinded by wrong and lack of procurement of informations and too much confidence to handle the situation. What happened next? Many died. Not just mere casualties but foreigners trying to enjoy the amiable atmosphere of another country. Poor people for believing that they are totally safe in the Philippines. What a slap on every Filipino's face for being branded as notorious, imitators, dumb heads. They finally proved to every one else that we indeed are dumb heads, in one way or another. What a great shame! 

The people who are aware of the hostage taking that has taken place could have made an earlier move to rescue the remaining 15 tourists inside the bus. Lucky enough for the released hostages for they have not experienced the painful and traumatic scenario inside that Hong Kong bus line for almost 12 hours. In that expansive amount of time, PNoy did not show up in the site to help with the negotiations. He wasn't expected to be there though but if only he could have made a move himself to outwit the insanity of the hostage-taker, then the whole drama could have been told in another angle. 

Poor thing! Not everyone died but all of them suffered from the grave monstrous frustration of Rolando Mendoza, 55 years old and a dismissed police officer who served the government for three decades and has impressed his co-workers with the awards and medals he garnered for himself. His purpose for holding those passengers inside the bus was to clear his name from the wrong allegations being pelted on him. And he wanted his old position back. But it seemed like it wasn't what happened exactly. There was a huge waste of blood and miscalculation of strategies which once again engaged the Philippines in one heck of a shame in its neighboring Asian countries. 

After the tragedy, the government should expect sharp criticisms and malign statements from the international press and prominent media men and authorities from across the globe. What a shame indeed!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Too much of the PDA!

I finally finished changing my uniform and I am all set for our English role play practice in the Freedom Park. I tried to drag my friend with me but it seemed to be of no use since she is inside her ever demure attire of blue blouse and pencil with a pair of high-heeled shoes. Our small but quick steps made it easier for me to think that we are already nearing the park. 

Not long after, I had a catch of the venue --- verdant, populated, and not a solemn place at all. However, I was a little bit distracted when my peripheral view caught someone whom I wanted to see and at the same time the face I did not want to remember. Okay! Enough of the three-second drama. 

I then mingled with some of my Education mates in one of the benches in the Freedom Park, sharing jokes and irrelevant chats with them. Not long after, something caught our eyes. It was an ordinary afternoon but that sight seemed to make their dusk boredom more meaningful. They were already laughing and making plots for the scenery as well as complimenting chortles with it. They seemed to be very satisfied.

This is not so surprising at all --- two lovers --- the girl a high school student and the boy a Sillimanian (or perhaps it was only his shirt that tells he is from S.U.) sitting on a bench right across ours, sharing not only intimate hugs but also kisses, not only kisses on the cheeks but also on the neck, the hands, the forehead, the lips and the body part below the neck. (I guess you already know what body part that is). The obscene scenery did not only make my stomach turn into a swirl of butterflies but also made me think that they have been showing too much of their so-called 'love'. Their petting seemed to last forever. My goodness! Get a room.

Yes! It is a Freedom Park and everyone can do whatever pleases them. But they could have thought that there are other people watching and fooling around, just waiting for somebody to commit slight mistakes for them to have something to laugh at. 

I am shrinking!

Just this morning, I stood in front of the mirror and realized how horrid and how bland I looked. My skin and bones are already showing though I did not say I wasn't like that before. It only got worse now. 

It seems like I have been into so much activities recently but as what I can remember, there's nothing wrong with my schedule. In fact, it wasn't that hectic at all. But I do not know why I got so little in the past few days. Many of my friends are already reacting about the sudden decline of my physical posture and my family has also seconded the comment. My appetite was affected after I experienced three days of fever with coughs and colds that until now did not leave my body. I had intakes of various medicines, too, including lazy bed rests so perhaps my body was not able to maintain its supposed to be 'normal form'. 

I am very much disturbed on how my garments and my pants got loose, how my cheekbones got hollow, and how my torso got even smaller. My waistline dropped to 24 from 25. How sad! huhuhu:(

I am really shrinking. And maybe, one day, I will just wake up with nothing but literal skin and bones only. Kalansay effect

Negligence on the loose

For the second time, I was absent in our P.E. class and I cannot figure out a way to calm myself from this negligent attitude that I have been showing. I am not supposed to be like this before since I still worry about my P.E. classes although I never had second thoughts of liking it. In fact, all my college life, I abhor this subject but because it is found in my prospectus, I have to face it and pass it to proceed. Fortunately, my two semesters of P.E. have been accomplished, awaiting for another two to be passed. But now that I am still in the second quarter of the first semester, I feel enormously irresponsible -- waking up late in the morning and preparing like there are still plenty of time running. I am always reprimanded by my father because of this behavior but it seemed like I did not take heed. Now, I am reaping the consequences.

I have been absent for two meetings already and funny how I cheated the secretary on the first absence, telling her that I was not able to see her in the open court so she was not able to check my attendance. I realized I must not do it again and stand to the truth that I really have to have a record of one absence in the attendance sheet. The sad fact is that I am not a good dancer and these partner dances that they have been requiring us to learn just got harder and harder every time.

Poor me. I do not know why or what happened to me. I do not know why I have been acting like this. My whole life, I have never been as negligent as this. I need a transformation but I do not know how. My responsibilities in TN were also put aside because of this developed attitude in me. I did not know when this started but I have to take responsibility for this action and make sure that this is not going to happen again if I still want good and desirable grades and performances.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


I have been into lots of times when I swore to myself that I will never do this or that again but I always fail to keep my word. As I was deeply seated in the Ceres bus last night, I managed to scribble a very short paragraph about a very vain promise that I have made to myself almost a million times already.

I had a vain wait. It took me three years to wait for something that's not even worth it. I have wasted enormous amounts of sensibility just for the sake of that one sole feeling that consumed me like hell. I was too confident, too expectant, too proud, too ambitious. I have been in this stupid remorseful plight for quite an nth time already and every time, I keep on saying that I would slow down and stop pretending. But again, I failed to be a promise-keeper and continued acting like an innocent child -- a behavior I am not supposed to exhibit since I have matured pretty enough already. This foolish heart just doesn't know how to wait. I prayed to God for a lifetime partner and I don't have to rush it if He tells me "to pause, take a break, prepare yourself, and pray for I will surely give him to you."

Simple! All I have to do is pray and wait. God knows how to keep His promise and all I have to do is stand still. Detach from him emotionally, slowly but surely this time.

I do not know when this is going to end. What I know is that the whole thing would be a hard process. I need help. I need distractions. I need hectic schedules. I need a life outside the cube. Inhale, exhale...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A Deep Sigh


Why do I have to feel downtrodden oftentimes? Why can't I understand the real situation? Why can't I just accept the facts being laid down in front of me and just silently? Why do I love to stay and wallow in the same marsh and continue to ask myself about lots of 'whys'? Why?

I had enough of the pain. Our P.E. dance class just added the load. Oh! I hate that Kandingan dance. Super idiotic and stupid. I could not imagine how others tend to enjoy the class yet I remained on one corner, staring and acting like I was amused with what they are doing when in fact I was already murmuring boisterously in my head.

Having boy partners is a huge mess. We don't have our permanent dance partners so from time to time, they change. But I always think that the person who decides to make me as his dance partner would definitely suffer the consequences because I will never dare dance if I do not like the dance steps or if it looks too extreme for me.


I have to spill this aching feeling.

I am totally aware that I don't have the right over him. Yes! I am aware of that. But that made me such a lunatic. Just this afternoon, my close friend saw him with a female human being walking alongside the pathway near our stand-by area. They weren't only talking. They were also holding hands while sharing bunches of giggles and trying to retrieve something from each other. The scene wasn't that clear for I quickly removed my attention from them after knowing that they're nearing. Good thing he did not notice me. I tried to draw a smile and looked at my friend with meaningful eyes. She smiled back with sarcasm. The female human being entered into her class which happened to be adjacent to the area where we were seated while the male human being ran frantically to his class in the open court. I believe he was already late for his P.E. (kabalo jud sa schedule ang gaga ay)

Wow! so STUPID of me to think that what happened yesterday was already the prelude of something worth expecting for. But as usual, expectations suck. It will just give you headache. And love? It will just give you malignant cancer. I tell you, it's true. I almost had one.

Haaaaay! (mag-arang ta ani uy..walay lami)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Thank You Ma'am

This is not inconsistency, when that is what you mean. I recently said that I hate balancing equations but that does not mean that I also hate the whole subject and the teacher (although I still favor it less). I did not say I hate the subject, did I?

Anyway, I began to realize how considerate our Chemistry teacher was when she still accepted my paper even if it was already so late when I passed it. She was already out of the classroom but I remained, hopeful that I can balance the equation that she has given us. Both close friends of mine have answered there problems but I have not made mine yet. My palms were sweating incessantly and good thing they helped me balance it. After long minutes of deliberating the equation, we got it balanced. But they said that our teacher is not going to accept it anymore. I was upset. However, as I entered into her office, I made alibis of not passing on time and surprisingly, she asked for my paper and checked the balancing. I was ecstatic when she kept it along with the rest of the papers clipped on her clear book.

I did not know she did that to me and not to the other students under her. Maybe, I one of her favorites. hmmmm...Maybe not. But for that matter, thank you ma'am. May you consider my late works over and over again.

How do you balance?

I had that lesson in Chemistry when I was still in third year high school. I always said that it was such an enjoying thing to do for it has given me challenge. But that was before. Now that I am already in college, the balancing thingy has once again surfaced in our Chemistry class. Unfortunately, I have not seen its value anymore. I don't like it and I am always upset when other people can balance a chemical equation then I cannot. I hate myself for being such a dumb mammal.

I do not know when this is going to end but I just hope this is my last encounter of the topic "Balancing Equations".


As I was editing a feature article about love (in which I am allergic to), I did not notice I was already typing this paragraph into the monitor.

"Remember, there is no point of loving someone who doesn’t love you.It’s just like catching your own shadow -- not only impossible but also makes you the most insane person in the planet. Fate has its ways around people; you might find another guy that’s better than him. And perhaps, he is not God’s will for you. You might have rushed the relationship or might have been blinded by his good and attractive characteristics but real love does not only end there. You have to know the whole personality of the person before completely committing yourself in."

It took me a few minutes to digest the whole thing and realize that I have been referring to myself when I made this. Indeed, there is no point of waiting for nothing and assuming that something's gonna happen. What I was trying to make happen is not God's will for me. That is why, perhaps, until now, there is no progress. At least, I have waited and although sometimes I become overwhelmed by my singleness since birth, it gave me all the reasons in the world to enjoy my status. I am willing to wait and I praise God for helping me do it.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Patience please!

For the first time in the history of TN meetings (that I have attended), last night's was the longest yet the most satisfying. Real feelings were spilled and tears coupled the emotional break-downs of the staffers. The newbies had no idea of what it was about so they were excused. The religious discussion and the reconciliation then began.

Anyway, that was only part of the whole "patience" thing. As I tried to make my way into the house where I was offered to stay, I thought of ways on how to explain to them what we did in the meeting. There I finally was, standing in front of that narrow green gate. The towering walls of the neighboring houses made me look disturbed.  When I started to yell "ayoooo", my embarrassment heightened. I have been howling for almost five minutes already and it seems like nobody heard me. I once again checked the surroundings just to make sure that I am not barking on the wrong tree. I made successive yells once again, hopeful that I would be heard from the inside. I tipped and saw that the lights are open but no one is responding. Perhaps, they forgot to turn off the lights before they slept. If not because of my father who miscalled the owner of the house, I could have definitely stayed in my position the whole night. As estimated, I was standing and waiting for someone to open the gate for almost seven minutes and though it is just a small figure, that moment alone in a strange place seemed like to end forever.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

One Tear

It has been a long time already since the moment I shed a tear. Now that there are more than one circumstances that drove me into crazy thoughts, I have found a reason to purify my eyes with salty water.

It has always been my nightmare to see and hear my mother and father exchange insensitive and prideful words about their functions inside the home. I tried not to burst out in front of them but if only they know how piercing it is for me to look at them that way. It gave me a quick thought of fearing marriage for it might lead to a similar fate as theirs. Those verbal tussles however do not happen often but when that time comes, our world goes crashing down. It would take time for them to be in good terms but I hope they'll realize that pride and complications will never help create a better family.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

What is Headache?

It is when your brain throbs in pain because of an item that wasn't answered in the recent exam.

It is when your vision begins to see things differently.

It is when your body becomes flimsy even if you have already gobbled a platter of food.

It is when you do not know what to do, what to think, and how to behave.

It is when you seem to loose all the hope in the world.

It is when you think that it is the end of everything.

It is when you think of life as a complete misery.

It is when you consider yourself a total lunatic and a huge failure.

It is when your brain starts to dictate about suicide and death.

It is when you want to rest in peace forever.

That is headache. Cannot be treated by ordinary pain reliever. Cannot be cured by any medicine. Headaches turn you into a complete replica of the Grinch. Bow!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


I have been living my life in the past few days in neutrality and the only challenging part there is waking up in the middle of the night to study for an incoming examination while eating the remaining bread in the refrigerator. Nothing awesome yet. But there are things that I am looking forward to and though not interesting enough to be talked about, I am willing and open to share these stuffs with those who'll be able to read this post before it's gonna pop into an ooze of brown and white ink and evaporate in thin air. :o

I am almost done with my visual aids in Ed3. It might look and sound tiring (and I tell you it is) but the effort that has been exerted on it to have a good grade is fair enough. I will be looking forward to the accomplishment of that project since another pile of deadlines are coming.

I am almost meeting every newbie. We recently had our orientation of the new writers. Congratulations to them. Now that they are the newbies and we are the oldies, the feeling has become different. Before, we were the ones instructed to do this and that and to beat the deadline of this and that article. But now, the demands of having on-the-dot articles and write-ups come from us. Doesn't that sound great? We indeed have moved a notch through time. Anyway, that does not also mean that we will exploit our position as oldies just to give them all the responsibilities of the publication. It still has to be shared for it is the primary reason of their presence.

Although not all of them showed up in the orientation, I am looking forward to meeting and knowing them and I hope that no one is going to quit because he or she cannot take the pressure anymore. Much expected are their impressive performances during the two-month training period and their desirable attitudes in the tasks that they are in.

I am almost skin and bones. I was born thin and underweight but I never expected me to be so thin these days. I can feel how my sister's pants can fit into my tiny legs already and how they can fit well with the blouses that I have. Oh my goodness! I have tried my best to eat as many as I can in one meal but it seems like there is no progress. Instead, it has even deteriorated into a disturbing sight. I have not stepped into a weighing scale for almost two years now and I am wondering how light I am now. As I look at the mirror everyday before I get dressed, I feel so abnormal with the disposition I have. This, certainly, is going to take forever. 

I am almost in love. Aw? Almost lang naman and I would do everything to defile that so-called fate who's trying to connect us. I know I'll win. I don't have to jot the story down. Alam kong alam mo na. (Wala na baya ko ana kay busy ang life. Liting noh? hehe;)

I am almost there. Almost done with the midterms, almost done editing, almost done making this post....and finally, it's done.

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Queen is Back

After three weeks of keeping quiet and escaping from the world of showbiz, Kristine Bernadeth Aquino is once again here -- to be back to work, to face the issues pelted on her, to fix the reputation of her family, and to find another guy.

She was not only given a new noontime show, she was also praised by some of her friends (which we do not know if true and sincere ones) for being so "palaban" and being strong in the relationship-turned-nightmare that she had with James Yap. How could they afford to give her such compliments when in fact they have seen how messy her life is. She has two sons now and the father of those kids left her. Perhaps, because of her self-centeredness and hypocrite actions. She has been living in a lie since the moment she began to be filthy famous and started shifting relationships from one man to another and crying in national television between those crashing news.

She's an Aquino by blood and her father and mother have done something very significant to the democracy and the freedom of the country. Now that her brother is sitting on the highest chair in the government, I hope she will not stain the washed reputation of her family. (But she seems to be weaving another issue now and the whole Philippines is a leak away to ruining her and her family again.) So far, she is the only sibling in the family which has been enveloped with controversies and gossips. The rest are having a happy family with successful businesses and productive aids for their fellow Filipino.

The queen is back and a new scene is to be awaited -- the uproar of the new tandem, Jun Jun Binay and Kris Aquino. Chocolate and milk, anyone?

Midterm 101

And timer starts now.

Monday -- No exam in the morning. One in the afternoon. I am looking forward to the result of my chapter test in Chemistry. My coming midterm exam in that subject depends on that righteous result. Exempted or not? Who knows?
Tuesday -- I ain't hectic in the morning but two exams are awaiting in the afternoon. And it's gonna be good for both are my major subjects. No exemptions. Just religious memorization and religious memorization. Hoot. I'm having goose bumps.
Wednesday -- Single subject, coming right up! If I am going to be exempted in Chemistry, no exam. Rejoice! If I have, then I have to take it. Study. Study. Study.
Thursday -- My favorite subject's gonna display its stench. I still have to study for me not to fail. And I haven't made the script yet. Oh my golly! How am I supposed to do it?
Friday -- Last day of the exam. Two subjects, another two majors. I don't like the other one while I hate the other one. Both aren't my field -- memorization and problem solving. But between the two, I'd rather memorize.

Beating the Exam Monster
1. Know your schedule. Never forget to set your time and arrange it for you to have enough preparations for the upcoming examinations. A week before the test, make sure you already have with you your schedule so that you can organize the subjects that you will study. Do not cram and think of studying everything in one setting. Make sure you have extra time to inhale and exhale for you not to be stressed.
2. Find a quite place to study. Look for a place where you're comfortable like your bedroom or the c.r. Try to isolate oneself so that you can digest every word.
3. Memorize and internalize. It's good to memorize since it is the best way for you to remember what you have studied. But make sure you have understood what you have memorized for you to retain the thought in case you forgot the correct wordings of the topic.
4. Wind up a bit. Do not force yourself to study everything if you cannot. Find time to relax, get enough sleep, laugh with friends, find time to talk to your family members and read the Bible so that your mind and your heart will be refreshed and enlightened. Be sure to also have proper intake of food and fluid.
5. Pray. This is the best thing a student should do before studying, after studying, and before taking the exam. Ask God to guide you and enable you to have presence of mind in the midst of the brain twisting.

This week is going to be a laborious one and my brain needs a lot of peanuts. So help me GOD!
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